We’ve all heard the phrase, “Let go and let God”, but it isn’t always the easiest thing to do. Well at least not for me. I don’t know about you but I find myself putting things at the foot of the cross and then moments, hours or days later picking them up again and holding on to them for dear life.
Recently God has been dealing with me on this part of my walk with Him. When I take things back from Him I’m showing a lack of trust on my part. I’m in effect telling God, “I’m sorry but, I don’t think that You are capable of taking care of these problems. I think I’ll just keep them to myself and try and deal with them on my own.” Did you hear that? It’s more than a matter of trust it’s a matter of pride. Who do I think that I am that I can do a better job on any part of any of my problems? This is definitely an area of sin in my life and the sooner I can rid myself of this pride and humble myself and turn things back over to God’s care the better off I’ll be.
I can see how the forbidden fruit might have looked so attractive to Eve and Adam. Once I give something to God, it is His, it is not mine to take back. That makes me an Indian giver. If you want to think in childlike terms. If you want to think in adult terms, if it now belongs to God, it makes me a thief. Not a very pleasant thought, but true all the same.
The enemy would like us to make light of this “indiscretion”, but try as he might he can’t change the fact that sin is sin. God is merciful with us and gracious, but that doesn’t mean we take advantage.
I have been struggling with turning some things over to God and some I’ve turned over and left there others I’ve returned to steal back and others I’m to scarred to even turn over in the first place. It’s not that I’m afraid that He’ll make me become a missionary and go to some awful far off place. That may be preferable to what I’m truly afraid of. I’m afraid of opening pandora’s box of my past and dealing with the things that my mind has so conveniently forgotten. I’m afraid that He’ll push me past my ability to cope. I’m afraid that if I open this area of my life to Him completely that I may just completely fall apart.
So instead of trusting in His love and wisdom and perfect will for my life and compassion and long suffering. I eat to stuff the feelings I fear to deal with, and to stuff the memories I don’t want to remember. While I in all my futility attempt to hide from Him, God waits for me to come to Him to ease my burden. I know this with my head but the journey to my heart is taking much longer than I would hope.
The spirit is willing to be obedient but the flesh is so weak, so fearful, so proud. Lord, I ask You to help me with my weak, fearful and prideful flesh and any brother or sister out there that are struggling the same way or similar to me. I know that You want all of us not just part of us, so this prayer is in Your will. So with confidence we come before you and thank You in advance for answering this prayer. Amen!
Joy – A Woman After God’s Own Heart!