Anger and resentment are dangerous emotions. Don’t get me wrong anger when handled properly is not only important but healthy. Jesus was angry at the money changers at the temple and overturned their tables and drove them out. Matthew 21:13 “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.'” He was obviously very angry with them and we know that Jesus never sinned. Since Jesus displayed anger and did not sin, we know that there is righteous anger.
But there is unrighteous anger as well. Ephesians 4:26-27 “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” What does Paul mean by, “do not give the devil a foothold”?
When we don’t deal with our anger swiftly as the Bible prescribes resentment takes root. That’s a deadly combination. Which the devil is just waiting to use to his advantage. You see if he can talk you into not forgiving the one who wronged you he knows that anger and resentment will cause your heart to grow hard and your relationship with God to suffer. That my friends is a bitter pill to digest.
Now don’t get me wrong I would never suggest to the wife being battered to forgive and forget and stay in that situation. God is the only one that forgives and forgets. We are only asked to forgive for our benefit. No to the battered wife or husband I say GET OUT! God does not what is children harmed.
You remember for wisdom sake. You learn from past experiences and hopefully don’t make the same mistake again.
When I was going through my divorce, 22 years ago it took me a long time to get through the hurt and anger of the situation. To be honest there was a lot of resentment and my heart did grow hard for a season. I was broken and I couldn’t understand why the marriage I thought was blessed by God was falling apart. I didn’t understand how my husband could stop loving God and me. I’ll be honest with you I was so broken that I attempted more than once to go home to my heavenly Father. Praise God, He didn’t let me succeed!
Let me encourage you that if you are going through a particularly difficult time and the anger is high and resentment is crouching at your door or has already entered your heart, pray that God would guide you. Pray for a change in your heart. Our God is the job of doing miracles. All you have to do is ask and He will gladly answer your prayer. But don’t be surprised if some work on your part must be done first. I had to honestly look at all sides of the picture before my heart was ready to forgive. Now instead of anger or resentment or bitterness about my ex I have compassion for him. Does that mean I want reconciliation with him? No! He doesn’t love God and has many more issues I would never agree to live with. But do I occasionally pray for his soul? Yes. He is lost and needs prayer.
For those things that may seem major but are not as major as the ending of a relationship. Such as a dispute with your spouse, I beg you as soon as you are able to talk with a cool head DO IT! Listen to the Word of God and don’t give the devil a foothold. If you need to take a walk before you talk, take a walk but do everything you can to handle it as quickly as possible. You are doing yourself and your loved one a service.
Once you start taking bitter pills, they get easier and easier to swallow so do yourself a favor and don’t get used to them at all. Right here, right now make the decision that bitter pills are not for you. Instead decided that you will wear the cloak of forgiveness and humility. Bitter pills make you hard and cold. The cloak of forgiveness and humility keeps you warm and loving. That’s what being a Christian is all about isn’t it?
Joy – A Woman After God’s Own Heart
Joy's Words of Encouragement 
Hi Joy, my first husband was a violent man but he like me he was very abused as a Child, we both were unbelievers and had no one to turn to, our Marriage was sad with us loosing our babies but I still loved him and had compassion for him even when the marriage ended and I still do after 35 years but not the same as a man and woman who Love in Marriage.
Does God understand, I know He does and with Love and Compassion, He found me in my Marriage to Ron and we have walked together through the valleys and hills and even when I was lost in despair, He rescued me but there had to be a lot of healing before I was complete and a willingness on my part to choose to Trust again.
As for anger it is like all our emotions, they are God given and repressing them leads to illness but we need to resolve those that lead to sin as you shared. Emotions are a sign of our inner health good and bad, they can be constructive or destructive and can take control when motivated by the flesh to seek revenge or to hate and have bitterness which gives Satan a foothold and so they can destroy all that is good, this is why we are to put the flesh to death by choosing to walk in The fruit of the Spirit by His empowering.
Christian Love from both of us – Anne
I’m so sorry to hear what you have been through. Am I to understand that you and your husband have worked through the abuse or is this a new husband?
Whichever the case I’m grateful to God for the work that He is doing in both of your lives.
May God bless you richly.
Joy – A Woman After God’s Own Heart
Hi Joy, Ron is my second husband, my first husband found a woman who could give him a baby so we never got back together, he married her when the baby was born ok, I think after our loosing six babies 3 still born, ( I had also been pregnant as a teenager so there were 7, ) that he felt everything would have been allright if we had a baby and so he blamed me.
Thankfully my babies have only ever known joy and we will be together in Heaven.
Christian Love Anne.
I’m so glad that you found a man who can love you for the woman of God that God made you. After such hardship we are truly blessed to be able to touch others with our story and to give them hope while they are in the midst of the darkness. May God continue to bless you and your husband and your blog.
Joy – A Woman After God’s Own Heart
Thank you Joy and may God bless you also in your faithfulness to seek to Glorify Him in your words and actions.
I do not as a Christian believe in Divorce and Separation which leads to Divorce so I also do not believe in remarriage but It was only after I had Married Ron that I became aware of God’s Truth concerning these and God tells us where He finds us that is where we are to stay which for me was Married to Ron, we repented of our sin and moved on in Love.
But God also hates violence and sometimes it is not our choice, when unbelievers of God’s Truth leave us, we can only do what God has asked us to do in His word and by His motivation through the convicting and empowering of the Holy Spirit, those who disobey Him will answer for their sin but hopefully instead they will come to heart repentance, and this is how I pray.
Christian Love Anne.
Yes a heart of repentance is best but for the one being abused getting out of the abuse and praying from a place of safety for the other spouse is what I believe our loving Father would want for the one being abused and any children experiencing it by force or witness.
Our loving Father wants what is best for us and while I agree that divorce should not be considered an option there are special circumstances that I believe and the Bible supports that are extenuating.
Regarding remarriage the Bible releases the spouse on special circumstances for that as well to remarry.
But as always what is most important is what God is leading you to do. The Holy Spirit guides in the way in which we should go and following Him faithfully is what is most important.
I believe God has blessed your second marriage to be a testimony to others. Walk in the love of His blessing on your life.
Joy – A Woman After God’s Own Heart